Sleep: the light at the end of the tunnel

I guess you could call this a further follow-up to this post and this post.

It was sometime last year that then-18 month old A started sleeping in our bed.  She'd been sick, and it was cold, and we'd bring her into our bed to warm her up/get her back to sleep, before transferring her back to her cot.  The problem was we were so bloody sleep deprived and exhausted, B kept falling asleep before transferring her back to her room.  So then she started to resist going back.  And then one night she screamed such blue bloody murder that she spent the whole night in our bed.

I remember it well.  I also cried that night, cried hard at the fact that her sleep problems seemed to be getting worse, not better.  From waking ten or more times a night, to now sleeping in our bed.  I felt desperate and hopeless.  I had never wanted to share my bed with my kids.  I didn't care what anyone else thought, this was something about which I cared deeply.  I had failed myself.  It was the lowest low.

It went on for months with me seething with resentment.  We talked about getting her back into her own bed.  We took the side off the cot and bought a spare mattress for one of us to sleep on the floor beside her.  She wasn't into it.  Hey, I got it.  Our bed is lovely: big and warm and soft.  I didn't want to leave it either.

We then bought a single bed, got rid of the cot, and moved the single bed into J's room so they could share.  I'd heard from numerous people that sharing a room was the solution to their kids' sleeping issues.  Poor J was so excited to have her little sister share her room... except, of course, A wasn't into it.  She flatly refused to even get in the bed.  J was inconsolable.  Occasionally we could put her in there for a nap if she was very tired.  But that was it.

Meanwhile, she was snuggled between us every night.

She was sleeping through the night, every night.  We all were.  She slept with her little hand on B's shoulder, or with her warm little back resting against mine.  It was... nice.  If she needed us in the middle of the night, we were right there.  We were all getting the most amount of sleep we'd had in the previous two years.  No one was terribly motivated to address the "problem".

And that's when I stopped thinking if it as a problem.  She wanted/needed to be near us in the night.  It was only a problem if we decided it was.  It was all a matter of perspective.  It wouldn't be forever.  It was clear that we both liked having her in there.  Who cared?

Well, as with any parenting choice, apparently a LOT of people did care.  People on whom this had no impact whatsoever made their judgement very clear.  Much as you try not to, of course we took some of it onboard.  That was the hardest part of the whole business, dealing with other people's opinions.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, A suddenly asked to go to bed in her bed, in J's room.  While internally popping the champagne, we tried to remain cool and casual on the surface.  It had been a year since she'd even looked at that bed.  We had no expectations.  She hopped in, snuggled down and grabbed her cuddly lamb.  Everything looked promising.

J, however, was not pleased.  Can you believe it??  Having been inconsolable when A had refused to sleep in her room, now she was inconsolable at the idea that A was sleeping there.  I mean, pass the wine.

So then, as if we had not already played enough musical furniture, we got a trundle bed for A's old room.  I made it up with pretty new sheets, and we waited.  A week or so ago, she started climbing in there at bedtime for a story.  We'd turn out the light and she would toss and turn for a bit while I sat on the armchair nearby, before she'd eventually ask to climb into our bed.  This went on every night.  She was really trying to sleep in her own bed.

Then, last night, exhausted after a day at kindy, we went through the usual routine.  She tossed around for a bit and then fell asleep.  I hardly believed it.

I heard her whimpering once just after I went to bed, went to check on her and she was out of bed.  I helped her back in, half-expecting her to request my bed, but that was it.  Next was her calling out at 6am this morning.

But guess who was sad last night going to bed with no warm little body sleepily cuddling up to me?

After all my turmoil back then about her coming into our bed, now I'm kind of wishing that this isn't the end, yet.