Sleep: the light at the end of the tunnel

I guess you could call this a further follow-up to this post and this post.

It was sometime last year that then-18 month old A started sleeping in our bed.  She'd been sick, and it was cold, and we'd bring her into our bed to warm her up/get her back to sleep, before transferring her back to her cot.  The problem was we were so bloody sleep deprived and exhausted, B kept falling asleep before transferring her back to her room.  So then she started to resist going back.  And then one night she screamed such blue bloody murder that she spent the whole night in our bed.

I remember it well.  I also cried that night, cried hard at the fact that her sleep problems seemed to be getting worse, not better.  From waking ten or more times a night, to now sleeping in our bed.  I felt desperate and hopeless.  I had never wanted to share my bed with my kids.  I didn't care what anyone else thought, this was something about which I cared deeply.  I had failed myself.  It was the lowest low.

It went on for months with me seething with resentment.  We talked about getting her back into her own bed.  We took the side off the cot and bought a spare mattress for one of us to sleep on the floor beside her.  She wasn't into it.  Hey, I got it.  Our bed is lovely: big and warm and soft.  I didn't want to leave it either.

We then bought a single bed, got rid of the cot, and moved the single bed into J's room so they could share.  I'd heard from numerous people that sharing a room was the solution to their kids' sleeping issues.  Poor J was so excited to have her little sister share her room... except, of course, A wasn't into it.  She flatly refused to even get in the bed.  J was inconsolable.  Occasionally we could put her in there for a nap if she was very tired.  But that was it.

Meanwhile, she was snuggled between us every night.

She was sleeping through the night, every night.  We all were.  She slept with her little hand on B's shoulder, or with her warm little back resting against mine.  It was... nice.  If she needed us in the middle of the night, we were right there.  We were all getting the most amount of sleep we'd had in the previous two years.  No one was terribly motivated to address the "problem".

And that's when I stopped thinking if it as a problem.  She wanted/needed to be near us in the night.  It was only a problem if we decided it was.  It was all a matter of perspective.  It wouldn't be forever.  It was clear that we both liked having her in there.  Who cared?

Well, as with any parenting choice, apparently a LOT of people did care.  People on whom this had no impact whatsoever made their judgement very clear.  Much as you try not to, of course we took some of it onboard.  That was the hardest part of the whole business, dealing with other people's opinions.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, A suddenly asked to go to bed in her bed, in J's room.  While internally popping the champagne, we tried to remain cool and casual on the surface.  It had been a year since she'd even looked at that bed.  We had no expectations.  She hopped in, snuggled down and grabbed her cuddly lamb.  Everything looked promising.

J, however, was not pleased.  Can you believe it??  Having been inconsolable when A had refused to sleep in her room, now she was inconsolable at the idea that A was sleeping there.  I mean, pass the wine.

So then, as if we had not already played enough musical furniture, we got a trundle bed for A's old room.  I made it up with pretty new sheets, and we waited.  A week or so ago, she started climbing in there at bedtime for a story.  We'd turn out the light and she would toss and turn for a bit while I sat on the armchair nearby, before she'd eventually ask to climb into our bed.  This went on every night.  She was really trying to sleep in her own bed.

Then, last night, exhausted after a day at kindy, we went through the usual routine.  She tossed around for a bit and then fell asleep.  I hardly believed it.

I heard her whimpering once just after I went to bed, went to check on her and she was out of bed.  I helped her back in, half-expecting her to request my bed, but that was it.  Next was her calling out at 6am this morning.

But guess who was sad last night going to bed with no warm little body sleepily cuddling up to me?

After all my turmoil back then about her coming into our bed, now I'm kind of wishing that this isn't the end, yet.

Overpronation: from knee-walking to running

Having just watched her run into kindy, now seems as good a time as any to write this.

This is the story of my overpronating child.

Overpronation is basically the fancy medical name for flat feet, or when your arches collapse excessively.  When it's severe, the ankle also rolls inwards.  I mean, see the photo above.  Does that look right to you?

When we first thought that something might be wrong, I spent a lot of time googling her symptoms.  I found lots of people talking about their kids doing the same kinds of things - refusing to stand, standing on the sides of the feet, "walking" on their knees.  Forum posts and questions written by worried parents were easy to find, but rarely did they come back months or years later to tell what the outcome had been.

I want to record our story from beginning to end.  Of course everyone is different, but this is how it played out for us.

Everything seemed ok until she reached the age where she should have been pulling up and cruising.  She crawled at 11 months but by 15 months, when most of her peers were off and running, she still wasn't able to stand.  She avoided putting weight on her feet, and when she did she ended up standing on the top of her foot with her toes rolled under, or on the inside edge.  The sole of her foot didn't touch the ground at all.  At first I thought it was related to her dislike for different textures - sand, grass, etc.  I thought she didn't want to put her feet flat on the ground.  It took a while to realise that she couldn't.

Eventually she progressed to walking on her knees, and was able to get around quite quickly that way.  It's amazing what you can get used to.  At the time, although privately worrying that something was wrong, we strangely never thought much about the knee walking.  I guess we assumed it would lead to real walking in time.  Now if I happen across a video on my phone of her tearing around the house on her knees, it's a bit shocking.

It looks so wrong.

Over Christmas that year we spent time with family, and my mother-in-law's sister - a nurse - confirmed that yes, something was wrong.  Her ankles were not normal.  Off to the doctor, then a referral to a specialist, a visiting neuro-developmental therapist.

She took her first very wobbly steps the morning of her therapist appointment (of course she did), at all but 18 months of age.  Her feet were turned out like a ballerina's and she walked on the arch of her foot.  She was prescribed ankle-foot orthoses, tiny little pink splints that made me teary just looking at them.



But once we got home and put them on, it was incredible to see the difference.  Her wobbly little ducky gait disappeared instantly.  She loved to wear them and asked for them constantly.

Over the months of wearing the splints her alignment improved, until at her follow-up appointment five months later the therapist said the AFOs were only required intermittently going forward.  Six months after that we were able to hand the splints back.

Now, at two and a half, she's still quite flat-footed and the therapist said she might always be, but her gait and ankle alignment is normal.  She runs everywhere.  She climbs, jumps, and dances.

The story has a happy ending, and we were lucky that the problem was not severe in any case.  I'm forever thankful that that auntie was honest and gave us the prod we needed to stop waiting for things to improve on their own.  Now, the whole saga is already behind us.

And the joyful little girl who can go (almost) everywhere and do (almost) anything she wants will never remember any of it.

Edited to add: when something like this first crops up, you get lots of people saying, "I'm sure it'll be fine" and "she'll figure it out" and "we went through something similar and look at us now".  It's a natural response to want to offer reassurance.  This is one of those cases where it actually wasn't fine and it wasn't going to be ok on its own.  If everyone else is telling you it's probably fine, but your instinct tells you something is wrong, listen to your gut.

On knitting, foraging, and so on

It's been another long while since my last post, sorry about that.  It's easy to put it off and put it off and think "who cares?".  But then of course: who does care?  Me.  I care.  I love reading posts about things I had entirely forgotten about, or seeing photos of the house or garden and realising with a jolt how things have changed.



We recently ticked over the two year anniversary of the day we arrived in NZ.

Here is the post I wrote when we first arrived.

And here is the post from our one year anniversary.

Now our life in Perth feels like a dream, it was so long ago.  Sometimes I take for granted our amazing life and beautiful location.  Usually when I'm pushing the lawnmower around the acre of lawn twice a week, and I dream a little bit of a suburban-sized patch of grass.  Only for a moment, I promise!

Not having knit a stitch over summer, I've had a burst of productivity.  I knit up a little cardi for J in record time, and while we were on the most holy Button Selection mission, I discovered that A had chosen some buttons for her own (non-existent) cardigan.  So being the sucker that I am, I'm now making one for her too.  The only issue being that I was in such a hurry to get it done that I forgot to follow the directions for the size 3 and am now making a size 5.  At least she'll get years of wear out of it I suppose.



I'm rushing through A's cardigan because I'm a bit obsessed with something on my needles that's just for meeee.

I bought some merino/silk yarn, and am making a seriously luxurious shawl for myself.  I've been wanting a sort of "investment" project for a while and when my friend showed me this pattern it was an instant yes from me.

And it is an investment.  The most expensive - and prettiest, softest, dreamiest to knit - yarn I've ever bought, and a major investment in time.  Hours and hours of work have gone into this thing.  I'm over halfway through and my major motivation to pick it up every day is that I simply can't wait to wear it.

I finally frogged bloody Sauvie which was very freeing.  I realised what a dud project it was when I was discussing it with my friend and saying how I hated knitting it, the wool was so scratchy and I didn't even know if I was going to wear it.  What was I doing??  I ripped it all out that day.  Not sure what will happen with that scratchy yarn (I have ten balls of the stuff) but at least I don't have bloody Sauvie hanging over my head anymore.

I'm also planning to make a beanie for B's birthday (in June, giving myself lots of time to get it done) out of some possum/merino yarn which I'm just waiting to arrive.


Another very autumnal thing is that the kids have been sick/coughing for the past month.  When we were in Perth I thought "cold and flu season" was a bit of a myth, but here it certainly is not!  The weather turns cool and the kids get sick.  It's all much easier to cope with now that they're a bit older and better able to cope themselves, but A is still the queen of the cough-vomit which is unpleasant for all of us.  At least now she can tell me it's going to come up before it does.



Check out the vegetable garden!  Bit weedy and very quiet.  The freezer is full of beans and carrots and broccoli.  I thought I dried the onions correctly but they've all rotted in storage which is annoying.

It doesn't get more autumnal than this: there was a few weeks there when B and the girls were picking bucketfuls of mushrooms from the paddocks every day.  I'm not a mushroom eater but it was pretty awesome to be able to forage food like that.

This is the last of the gooseberries and I had to fight the chooks for them.  I'd never seen gooseberries growing before we moved here and isn't it cool how they ripen inside their little paper lanterns.  The chickens know exactly which ones are ripe and ready so you have to be quick.

Other things that have happened ...

I made a quick trip back to Adelaide at the end of March.  There are two milestone birthdays in my immediate family in June but with B's work schedule it was a matter of book it now or run the risk of not being able to get away.  I had five full days there which was great and I squeezed in a LOT of eating and drinking.

Because it wouldn't be a trip to Adelaide without it, of course one of the girls got hideously sick while I was away.  Poor little A was coughing and feverish and generally incredibly miserable... B made sure I was kept constantly up to date.  I might have to tell him that if it happens again next time I don't want to know.  I did feel bad for him of course.  It's bloody hard doing it on your own and I've done it plenty.

For easter this past weekend we had dinner with B's mum on good Friday - freshly caught snapper with thanks to B.  Saturday we made a day trip to the bach which was fabulous as always.  The girls even braved the water which was a lot colder than it had been last month.  On Sunday the easter bunny had hidden the eggs inside because a rain event was forecast for Sunday, and it didn't disappoint.  The girls were a bit berserk after being cooped up inside and way too much chocolate so last night B and I made ourselves ill reducing the size of their stash.  Luckily today is bright and sunny (for now).

The yarn for B's beanie arrived a moment ago so I'm off to do my swatch.  Hope you're having a lovely autumnal time with all the best bits of the season, and not sick or suffering chocolate regret.

Autumn is here

This morning we woke up to the soothing sound of pattering rain.  It's still raining now and hopefully it will continue all day.  My Aussie friends will probably scoff, but we really need rain.

It's been ages since my last post and in that time we've shifted from summer to autumn.  There've been some cold nights, and there was even a sprinkle of snow on the mountain before the end of February. 



In the last week or two I've noticed a flush of yellow at the top of the gingko tree out my kitchen window.  It reminds me that we're coming up to two years here in NZ.  That flush of yellow was one of the first things I photographed when we arrived, with our toddler and our baby.  The toddler is now in her last year of kindy, and the baby is in her first.  The cycle goes on.  And I love having the seasons to mark out the memories.

The longer we're here the more I can recognise the different seasons with my eyes closed.  Summer is the ear-splitting zing of cicadas and the drone of tractors.  In autumn it's the song of blackbirds and the sound of chainsaws.  Spring is bees buzzing and the sound of chainsaws, and winter is the smell of woodsmoke and the sound of chainsaws.



It's also the changing angle of the sun coming into the house.  Usually highlighting somewhere that I really need to vacuum.

The vegetable garden has passed its summer peak and we're in the process of changing over to winter crops.  I don't want to see another zucchini for a really long time.  I've already harvested my first head of broccoli.  The beans are done (thank god) and I'll be pulling the vines down once this rain stops.  The cherry tomatoes are ripening their last fruits and the carrot bed is almost empty.

The grape vine has a couple of tiny bunches which will hopefully ripen before it gets too cold.  The lemon tree is dropping the remainder of last year's crop while the new green lemons start to swell.  The hydrandeas in protected spots carry on giving.

I've filled the wood basket and set the fire in readiness but am proud to say I haven't lit it yet, despite some chilly mornings.  

I picked up my needles and cast on a new knitting project for the first time since last winter.

The lawn is suddenly covered in fallen leaves which weren't there yesterday.

So that's where we are in almost-mid-March.  Overall, happy.  Just really happy and content.  With the odd bout of sibling fisticuffs for good measure (more about that on another day I think).

Back to normal

After having a very relaxing time over Christmas and New Year, I woke up last week with a steely glint in my eye and a fire in my belly.  I washed and vacuumed and mowed.  I packed away the Christmas decorations.  I ruthlessly culled my wardrobe of clothes I no longer wear or which no longer fit (thanks The Bod!).  I weeded all the garden beds.  It felt great to be so productive and to get the place in shape after taking a holiday from (most) responsibilities for a couple of weeks.



Christmas feels like months ago already.  We spent the morning at my sister-in-law's place for an amazing brunch, then to B's dad's in the afternoon for a swim and a barbeque.  We brought the girls home for their bedtime and then B went back for a few beers with his brother who was over from Australia.

Between Christmas and New Year we went up to the bach a couple of times.  It's only an hour's drive away which makes it easy to come and go.  B's mum babysat the girls so we could go to the bach for New Year's Eve unfettered.  We even made it to 2am!  I can't remember the last time I stayed up that late, ever.  We were up early on new year's day to get back home and it's safe to say I wasn't feeling my best.  The first day of the year was a struggle to say the least, especially with two little girls who weren't going to let us out of their sight in case we snuck out on them again.



Speaking of New Year's, I can't decide if I'm a resolutions person or not.  Generally if I want to change something I wouldn't wait for the new year to do it.  That said, the good habits I picked up doing The Bod program have slipped a bit.  I'm drinking way too much coke, I'm eating a lot of pasta and fast food.  I'm still eating a good amount of vegetables, because at the moment the fastest food is that right outside my door.  However, the diet could use some improvement.  Some days, the only fluids I have are coffee, coke, and wine.  I know.



So!

We are tentatively planning to include Meat-Free Monday (or, any day) every week, and I'm aiming to drain my 750ml water bottle at least once a day.  My mum told that if you drink the majority of your water before lunch you won't be up all night going to the loo, so my aim is A Litre by Lunch.  Catchy!

Another resolution, if you want to call it that, is to attack my to-do list.  One thing that bullet journalling taught me last year is that I am quite happy to just keep writing the same tasks on my list every week without ever ticking them off.  But then I feel constantly irritated and can't relax looking at all the things that need doing.  So.  Just do the things.  Tick them off.  Move on.

The thing that will make the ticking off of the list easier is that, as I've mentioned about eleventy billion times already, A starts kindy this year.  Regular solid blocks of time, kid-free.  Obviously there'll be a touch of Real Housewives watching, but I'm really looking forward to some major time to get jobs done.

It's been seriously dry here for the last few weeks, not too hot thank goodness, but hardly any rain.  The paddocks are looks as dry as I've ever seen them.  The grass has almost stopped growing!  Well, not quite.  The lawns still need mowing twice a week.  Bring on winter I say.

We're still trying to address A's, and to a lesser extent, J's fussy eating.  Since B has been off work during December we've been having the occasional family dinner and I know I've said it before, but it really makes a difference to how the girls eat.  The other night we had burgers which I was fully expecting to be rejected, only for them both to dig in with enthusiasm.  Who knew!  It shows me how much I worry about their eating when they do eat without fuss and I feel so happy and relieved.  It's so good to make progress, however small.

As you may recall, A turned two in September and oh boy do we know about it.  J never really threw tantrums.  We never really had the terrible twos or the threenager with her.  Luckily, A is making up for everything that J spared us.  The fury inside that pudgy little body has to be seen to be believed.  The will of steel.  I'm a pretty stubborn person with a pretty strong will of my own and I am no match for this kid.  B and I have both been heard to say "Just give her what she wants!" to make the screaming stop.  Another one of those things I never thought I would do as a parent.  But hey.  You do what you gotta do.

One thing I want to note here is that it's now over a year since J commenced toilet training.  It's only now that she has returned to wearing undies fulltime.  It's taken a full year.  I don't know why.  We waited until she was ready.  She led the process, with our support.  I never made a big deal about anything, that I can think of.  And yet time and again she has insisted on wearing nappies, for months at a time.  She'd stay dry in her nappy all day, pulling it down to use the toilet, and yet would refuse to wear undies.  One of the very few times when we've seen her exert her will.

She turns four in February.  She's in undies now but I won't be at all surprised if we go back to nappies again.  I've tried to ask her why she prefers nappies but of course she can't articulate whatever it is.  She's nowhere near being dry at night.  I dunno.  Just one of those things I guess.

Well I'd better go tackle the lawns again before it (hopefully...) rains!  Hope you have all had a lovely Christmas and New Year and feeling positive for the year ahead.

How did I get here?

A while back, I alluded to how my whole life suddenly changed when I got into the oil and gas industry.

Since it's the end of the year, which often puts us in a reflective mood, I thought I'd tell you the long convoluted story of how I ended up who and where I am today.

I've put the photos in this post as close as possible to the part of the story when they were taken.  I'll caption them so you have some idea of what you're looking at.

So...

Back many years ago, when I was... 21?  22 maybe? I had quit the supermarket job I started right out of school when I didn't get into any university courses.  I went from the supermarket to behind the bar of an Irish pub, and I was really hating it.  Crying every day before work kind of hating it.

My dad took pity on me and gave me a job in his law office as a rounds clerk.  I'm not sure if they even have rounds clerks anymore but back then my job was walking around town every day filing documents in court, delivering briefs, picking things up, dropping things off, and conducting property settlements.

For whatever reason, I really enjoyed doing property settlements.  Back then (again, this has probably all changed) all the conveyancers in South Australia would meet at the Lands Titles Office every morning.  The banks had desks around the perimeter of the room, which was always packed with people and LOUD.  You walked around yelling at the top of your lungs for the conveyancer you were meeting, then you lined up to see the banks deal with the mortgages, and that's how property changed hands.

Now bear with me.  Things get a bit complicated here.  I did say this was a convoluted story.

I did my conveyancing diploma part-time at night, and I got a job at a small private mortgage company, which was then sold to a bigger private mortgage company, who transferred my role to their external conveyancer... who wasn't much fun to work for.

The view from my old house in southern Adelaide.  The black clouds are a good reflection of how I felt about that house.

After the private mortgage company was sold, and I got transferred to the external conveyancer, and he wasn't much fun to work for, I went job hunting again (always, always, looking for a change) and got a job at a company which did a lot of work for oil and gas clients.

I think this is Moana beach in Adelaide.  It's a beach south of Adelaide that you can drive onto, at any rate

Around the same time, I met my then-boyfriend's brother's girlfriend's sister (still with me?) who worked for a client of my new employer.  The boyfriend's-brother's-girlfriend's-sister had been transferred to a job in a little town called Roma in Queensland.  She recommended me for her old job in Adelaide, which I got.

I loved it, loved my job for the first time probably ever.  Part of the job was giving safety presentations.  I think the goal was 50 presentations.  In my first year I gave over one hundred presentations, all over the state.  Turns out, I love public speaking!

Me, describing in lavish detail how gas pipelines can explode and destroy everything in the vicinity.

Heading north on another pipeline safety trip, looking towards the Flinders Ranges I think

I was earning good money, feeling motivated and positive.  I quit smoking.  I got really dissatisfied with my personal life which in comparison seemed like the same old depressing hamster wheel.

Anyway, after not long at all, my boyfriend's-brother's-girlfriend's-sister was leaving her job in Queensland.  Once again, the role she was vacating was suggested as the logical next step for me.  Once again, I got the job.  Yes, in Queensland.

It never once occurred to me not to leap at the chance.  Of course I would move to Queensland if the opportunity arose.  Why on earth would I say no??  Always, always, looking for something.

I was to move to Queensland around Easter that year, with the intention that my boyfriend would be in Roma within a couple of months.

I left Adelaide mid-morning and arrived at the house in Roma late at night.  It was a big new-ish house, almost empty.  I walked in the front door, set my bag on the kitchen bench, and let out a huge sigh.

I love that I have a photo of that very moment.

I remember it so clearly.

It felt like the first time I'd exhaled in years.  At that moment I knew my relationship was over.  I was so unhappy.  It wasn't fixable.  It took getting away to realise it.

The drive to work in Queensland.  After that I never want to commute through city traffic again.

Then, very shortly after, I met B at a community boxing match.  He got my phone number from a mutual friend, we went on a date to the second-best Chinese restaurant in town, and I remember looking at him as he paid the bill.  I'm not a believer in love at first sight but I knew that this was going to be something.  This was the start of something good.

Sunset from my house in Roma, Queensland.

Of course you don't just sail off into the sunset.  Ending my previous relationship was hard and messy and painful, and severing things financially took months.  But there was no question about what the right thing for me was.

I had never wanted children.  Never wanted to get married.  In fact Past Prue would probably look at my life now and feel a bit disappointed with how ordinary it's turned out, what with the baking and gardening and stay-at-home-parenting.  But what Past Prue would not be able to fathom is how deeply contented and happy she would be - at last - in this very ordinary life.

I rattled around a lot for the first 30 years of my life.  Looking back it's easy to see that I was never very happy.  Always, always, moving job or house or friends, always looking for something.

Always dreaming of a different life without knowing what it was.

I found it!

A pre-Christmas vignette

It's a Christmastime vignette!  My star garland, Santa snowglobe, the ever-present sweet peas and a colander full of fresh greens waiting to be dealt with (also ever-present at this time of year).

First things first, we did it.  A's bed is now in J's room.  Lots of people had positive stories for me about what a game-changer it was for the sleep issues in their house.  So far, for us, it hasn't changed a lot.  She still refuses to sleep in there at night.  Poor J was so excited to share a room, she was so downcast when A refused.  I felt awful.  The good news is, I can now tell J that I or her dad will be sleeping in there if she wants us to.  It's much easier overall.

The other A-related news is that she is all of a sudden refusing to nap.  Like when J dropped her naps, it just suddenly happened one day.  And now she often won't have a nap unless she falls asleep in the car. 

I dreaded this day - the day naps were a thing of the past - but in actual fact it's great.  We've reached the point where naps are kind of a pain.  It's great now, not having to be home for naptime!  The day is ours.  Sure, it's a bit inconvenient when I've got invoices to prepare or pay, or phone calls to make, but mostly it's way better.  Another step into that next stage of life I was talking about.



In the category of making and baking, I've been doggedly doing rows of bloody Sauvie.  I finished the cardigan and skirt set for J's doll.

I've been wilting, chopping and freezing spinach.  I made Foxs Lane's cheesy garden bread the other day, I've picked bowlfuls of peas and strawberries (and J can eat them faster than I can pick them), I've made peach cobbler and shortbread.  There is a constant supply of fresh lettuce in the fridge and I'm checking the tomatoes and squashes daily.  Did I tell you I forgot to thin the squash plants and so we have twelve of them?  Get your squash here!

The weather has been totally whacko.  We had an awesome thunderstorm the other day with lots of fantastic rumbling thunder and black clouds.  It's also been hot and dry in between times so the downpour from the storm was very welcome.

If you squint you can just see the mountain through the rain

My dad came for a visit a couple of weeks ago.  It's a great time of year for visitors with all the Christmas stuff we were able to do - decorating our tree, watching the local Christmas Parade, the kindy's end-of-year disco...  The week flew by!  Poor Dad caught a cold which put a dampener on the end of the trip but otherwise everyone had a ball.

Ok, ready for your vegetable garden update? 

Here's a reminder of what it looked like four weeks ago:


And this is yesterday:


Everything just grows like crazy here right now.  I have to pick produce every single day to keep on top of it, and it's still not at its peak.  Needless to say I'm LOVING IT.

I may not post again before Christmas so I hope everyone has a nice safe, relaxing, peaceful, non-stressful time.  We'll be with B's various family members and then it's off to the bach for a few days.  Cannot wait!

See you in 2019, if not before.